Bill Yabroff

My spiritual adventure began in this lifetime one moonlit evening at the Asilomar Chapel in Pacific Grove. I stood at the back of the Chapel and watched as a communion service proceeded, intending to continue on and walk along the beach with a very special lady I was courting. I had come to Asilomar primarily for this purpose, having just graduated from college with an acceptance letter in my back pocket to the Bolt Hall Law School. This had been my dream come true. I never made it to the beach or to law school. For as I gazed up at the cross, framed in the large glass picture window overlooking the ocean, an incredible golden light suddenly found its path into my heart. That beam of light changed my life direction in an instant, without explanation, insight, or desire on my part. It has since been with me, sometimes strong, many times faint, but always inviting.

The following week I entered seminary to learn something about this experience. I had not attended a church, and had only a brief exposure to Christian Science as a child, that I quickly put aside in adolescence. My seminary training placed me as a minister in two sequential parishes and then as a chaplain in the Navy. I later found my service to be in graduate education where I trained and worked with therapists until my recent retirement.

My first introduction to Ananda was also unexpected. In 1984 I was invited by the American-India Association for a six-week tour through various cities to give seminars on the Shadow in the Corporate World. Three weeks before a scheduled departure, my son died in a tragic accident. My daughter Clare and I went into a state of shock and searing grief, so I turned for advice to my own therapist on whether I could handle the India assignment at that time. I really knew I couldn’t. To my surprise and relief, he invited me to go on a spiritual tour of India that he and his wife were leading. He gave me a list of things to bring, and signed it "in Masters Name." I asked who was Master? He told me to read Autobiography of a Yogi on the plane, and he would explain when I joined him in India. I bought the book but was too upset to read it at that time.

It turned out that my therapist was also the India tour guide for SRF, and I soon joined some 36 devotees. When we visited Master’s home in Calcutta, he took me personally to the attic where Yogananda meditated as a young man, and he left me there alone for about 30 minutes. It was in this room that I felt the same energy I had felt at the Chapel at Asilomar. It was a profound experience indeed. A few years later, when I was asked to lead a study tour of ancient Egypt for the New York Jung Foundation, Tom and his wife joined me as co-leaders, and we explored the relationship between the early Egyptian religion and the Hindu heritage.

When I returned home from the India journey, the woman who came to clean my house noticed the Autobiography on the desk and asked if I would be interested in going to Ananda Village for a weekend retreat. I left the next week for Ananda where I met met Durga Smallen and Swami. It was a most healing experience. The following month I invited Clare to join me for another weekend at Ananda. She did, and little did I know that it would soon become her dedicated spiritual path. 

I also attended the Palo Alto Church where I heard Asha speak. I have heard many sermons in my life from persons who were considered to be the "best" in the field. That was before I heard and talked with Asha. She struck a chord in both my mind and heart as no one else had ever done. I decided to take Kriya initiation and began the spiritual journey that devotees at Ananda are all familiar with. I also moved into the community. After two years I returned to my home in San Jose with my second wife, and drove up each Sunday morning for service. I threw myself into my professional work and began to integrate my Christian beliefs with the inspirations I received at Ananda.

And then I did a very foolish thing. I allowed my life to become dominated by my work. I carried a full load of teaching at two Universities, as well as conducting training seminars throughout the country on a monthly basis for groups of clinicians. It all caught up with me some three and a half years ago when I had a breakdown and was given a terminal diagnosis of early Alzheimer’s disease. I was told to get my affairs in order, and to plan for full-time care within two years with a life-expectancy of up to five.

I am sure you can understand the devastation that such a diagnosis might have for one who had made his mind a pivotal expression of life. I sold my home, went through a wrenching divorce, and at the invitation of Clare and Patrick, came back to Ananda. I found myself in the same apartment, #103, that I had stayed in some ten years earlier! I was frightened, had difficulty remembering where I was, and at times, even who I was. Clare and Patrick gave me wonderful support and encouragement while the uplifting vibrations that flow though this community began to take effect. I attended Ron Roth’s spiritual healing workshops and joined a fitness club. But much of my time was spent in quiet solitude and reflection.

Nine months later, I was retested by a team of four doctors. I did so well on the tests that they began to suspect I had been misdiagnosed. I have since discovered that some 30% of those diagnosed with Alzheimers are given that label erroneously. What they now found was that I suffered from adult ADD (attention deficit disorder) and depression. These had compounded over a long period of personal and work stress until I experienced symptoms that are similar to those found in Alzheimers. I had a new lease on life! What a miracle! I prayed that I could serve again in some way, do something now that would say thank you for being alive and well.

I am so grateful to all who have guided me along the way, including many wonderful people at Ananda. The miracle for me is not in any one event, but in the unseen guidance that has brought me to this point. Sometimes this guidance is through persons, sometimes through spirits, and most of the time in the silence between each thought. For those of you who have grieved at the death of a loved one, or have been healed from what seemed like a terminal sentence, and for many of you who have experienced the loving hand of God lifting you and guiding you, I join with you with gratitude and wonder at the mystery of it all.